Sen. Miriam cracks pick-up lines to rip senators




In her speech before the Philippine Psychiatric Association on Tuesday, January 21, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago used her signature humor to rip her colleagues.

Ang gara-gara nila, pasikat. 'Pag bukas ng bibig nila, wrong grammar lumalabas.”

“To be a lawmaker now means to get your pork barrel, and never attend session. Or if you attend session, member ng committee on silence!”

“Change the name. Don't call it the Senate of the Philippines. Just call it Acute Psychiatric Ward.”

“Is it true there’s a measles outbreak? If there's an outbreak, please tell the measles patients to go take a walk at the Senate.”

“This is a nation of kleptocrats. What do you say, mental health specialists? Why are we so fond of electing kleptocrats? What is their sex appeal?”

Santiago also questioned the timing of the supposed bombshells of Revilla and Estrada accusing the administration of influencing the Corona impeachment trial. 

She, Senator Bongbong Marcos, and former Senator Joker Arroyo were the only ones out of 23 senators who voted to acquit Corona in May 2012.

“Kung suspetsa na pala nila na mali ang ginawang pinatawag sila, bakit 'di sila nagreklamo noon pa? Bakit ngayon lang sila nagrereklamo? Kasi tinutukoy sila sa Napoles scam?”

Despite Malacañang’s denials of bribery, Santiago said it is “a relevant question of law” to ask why the 3 senators who voted for acquittal were not given additional funds sourced from the controversial Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP).

Budget Secretary Florencio Abad had admitted giving senators P50 million each months after the Corona trial but denied the money was a bribe.

Tatlo kami: ako, si Senator Joker Arroyo, Senator Bongbong Marcos. Wala kami ni piso. ‘Di kami sinabihan meron palang ganoon. Is it my deodorant or what? Tapos sasabihin nilang walang bribery? Isn't your intelligence insulted by that kind of reasoning?”

Santiago also used some pick-up lines for her statement on the event of the Philippine Blood Coordinating Council.
Lahat ng iyan mga Walking Dead yan eh!, ang kapal ng mga mukha
The brain of the Filipino politician has two sides, the left has nothing right in it, the right side has nothing left in it.
Holduper: Holdup ito, Akin na pera mo. 
Cong: Hindi mo ba ako kilala, isa akong congressman. 
Holduper: Kung Ganun, Akin na pera namin.
Anu man ang gawin mo sa buhay, ibigay mo 100% mo, maliban na lang kung nagdodonate ka ng dugo.

ALSO READ: Sen. Miriam Santiago's pick-up lines on RH Bill   

Santiago also delivered the following lines at the start of her speech at the National Student Conference on Hotel and Restaurant Management, drawing laughter from the audience:

1. Anong tawag 'pag nagtapon ka ng basura sa dagat? Sagot: Pollution
Ano naman ang tawag kapag tinapon mo sa dagat ang mga pulitikong kurakot? Sagot: Solution.


2. Kapag nagsinungaling ka sa congressman o senador, kakasuhan ka na ng perjury, may jail term ka pa. Pero kapag ang congressman o senador nagsinungaling sa iyo, ginagawa na nila ang trabaho nila, magkakaroon pa sila ng bagong term.


3. How to tell if a politician is telling the truth:
Whenever he’s crossing his arms, he may be telling the truth.
Whenever he’s stoking his chin, he might be telling the truth.
Whenever he looks at you straight in the eyes, he might be telling the truth.
But when he opens his mouth, he is lying.


4. There was a study on the connection between government employees and the sport they play. Ang paborito raw sport ng entry-level government employees ay basketball. Kapag lower management position na, ang paborito raw nila ay bowling. Kapag upper management naman, paborito raw nila ay tennis. Ang paborito raw na sport ng high-level government officials is golf.
The study then made this conclusion, kapag tumataas ang posisyon mo sa gobyerno, lumiliit ang balls mo.



5. May 3 doktor, pinag-uusapan [nila] kung anong pasyente ang pinakamadaling operahan. Sabi ng isa: Electricians – everything inside them is color-coded.
Sabi ng pangalawang doctor: Librarians – everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
Sabi ng pangatlo, pulitiko ang pinakamadali: They have no brains. They have no guts. They have no hearts. And they have no balls.


6. Top 3 na pinakasinungaling na trabaho sa Pilipinas:
Number 3: Beautician: Sasabihin nilang maganda ang customer kahit hindi naman talaga.
Number 2: Konduktor ng jeep: Sasabihin niya na dalawa pa ang kasya kahit puno na.
And last and the most prolific of all these liars, Number 1: Pulitiko. That’s the end of the story.  

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