Lord, have mercy on us...Queen of the Most Holy Rosary , pray for us...that we maybe made worthy of the promises of Christ.
April 26, 2011- As the blustery weather puffs and everything looks terrible, my mom was rushed to the town hospital after she experienced a mild stroke during the graduation of my brother, Jesum, her son who she considered the black sheep of the family.

It was two days before the screening test of the Accountancy program, I am holding my purple rosary while seeing my mother in pain...Unconscious of the things happening to her - weak, painful...

     ...Hail Holy Queen Mother of Mercy...
     ...Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope...
     ...to you do we cry poor banished children of Eve...

What a hard life I have now, instead of having my review in my two accounting books, I am here to take care of my mom, helpless, hopeless... bitter life! There's no one to blame but my mom who acted that she was weak but in reality, she don't have any medical sickness or pain at all.

As I hold the envelope, the result of our retention exam, I blame my mom for being selfish... Tears fell down on my eyes as I saw the result, Goodness Lord, I passed it! It's all worth the sacrifices of taking care of my mom in the hospital for two weeks! What a long torture of soul! But it's just a command from my dad that I obeyed no more, no less.

Seconds...Minutes...Hours...days, weeks, months of sorrowful moments and agony. It's like that our is always landed in the sorrowful mystery of the rosary. Is it our destiny? A rosary has four mysteries, and why we are experiencing sorrow?

The doctor declared that my mom has cyst in her ovary, she was advised to avoid salty, spicy, cold and junk foods before her operation. It was July 12, 2007 when my favorite aunt died from ovarian cancer. It's only a dream and I want to wake up now!!! No emotions at all right? I don't know because I love my mom suffering from pain. I love that she is very weak, silent and feel useless of herself! Yes, she was not my ideal mother... I experienced a lot of shameful moments wherever I disappoint her, being selfish of my wants and happiness, being an evil witch of my life.

What a happy life a have now for I can do all the things I want now... She is weak... Neurologist, quak  doctors, psychologist and spiritual doctors have been in and out of our house... Still, she's very weak... They can't determine her sickness.

One gloomy day, I came to realize that the witch is not selfish, but I myself, whom I consider the good princess is the true selfish. I'm happy that my mom is dying and there is nothing she can do but to cry and cry and cry.

I became more firm amidst the unpredictability of the conditions, I committed myself that my mom will be proud of me and of course to have a meaningful life... I'm now turning my trials into triumphs.

Birthdays, All Souls Day, Christmas and New Year... a sorrowful year has ended...

There were things that I don't want to happen but it does... But I grow to be responsible... Every night, we pray for a happy tomorrow, healthy family and more blessings. It's our conviction that made our family strong...

For the first time of my life, after twenty-two days of working at our own municipality, I received my first salary and I was very happy and proud that I will give some of it to my mom and dad. I am too excited that I will be kissed and hugged by the two important persons in my life and I'm longing to hear the phrase, "Len, we're proud of you and we love you so much." I will make them proud! Gee! It will be an inspiration for my mom to fight for her life.

I opened our door, preparing the five hundred peso bill that I will give to my mom... I'm excited and I am nervous- holy shit! Instead of giving it, I heard the sweetest words, "You will go back again to the municipal town? And enjoy your life with them? You have more expenses in that summer job! If only you have listened to my advices. I know what's best."

Holy son of Satan! Okay, I was hurt and I run away... On that night, my mom talks about our properties, cars, land, houses and important matters. We sing spiritual songs, have our novena and our family forum every night... I'm weary that night so I decided to go to bed and sleep early... I'm not interested on what my mom was saying...

In the middle of my sweet dream, my dad wakes me up and told me to pray...

I wake up, pray and sleep... I wake up, pray and sleep... I wake up, pray without knowing the reason why so I sleep again... I was waken up when I hear that my brother Jesum is already shouting for help. I hurriedly went to my mom's room and she was...unconsciuos!!! I was so selfish!!! We rushed her to St. James Hospital at 3:00AM and we learned that she has a ruptured brain hemorrhage Stage 4! We were very hopeless on hearing that the doctor can do nothing... We decided to bring her to St. Luke's but we don't have money so we rushed her to Pines City Doctors' Hospital... It was May 26, 2012... I held to her my personal rosary before leaving the surgical ICU.

Hail Marry full of grace the Lord is with you, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus
She undergone a surgical operation because of the ruptured vein in her brain... I pray night and ask for a miracle... It's now one month of pain and agony of her life! If only I was a better fighter after all... If only I was not selfish... If only I can turn back time... (To be continued) 

Author: Mary Elaine Senica Barlolong

I love anything beautiful. I have a good mind, especially good at searching out and finding the truth. I can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. I can be so rational at times that I almost seem to lack emotion, and when I am faced with an emotional situation, I may have a bit of a problem coping with it. At full maturity I am likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual. I am not very adaptable, and I may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. I really like to work alone, at my own pace and in my own way.

Elaine is a BS Accountancy student in the University of Northern Philippines (UNP) - Vigan. She works for CBAA Biznews as Staff writer. She is the Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants - UNP Chapter Lady Ambassador of Goodwill for 2012.

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